If you’ve ever looked around on MySpace, seen how everyone is just so damn punk, so cool, and hip and has tons of hot, hip friends that all party in exotic and interesting places, and you’ve wondered to yourself, “How can I be that hip and punk?” Fear no longer! I’ve taken the time to explain the 6 easy steps you can use to create your MySpace alter ego that millions of trendy, analogous, hipsters have been using. It’s just as easy as going to the mall to buy your mass produced punk uniform at Hot Topic! Click on the link below for the steps!
Step 1: Come up with some ridiculous headline. Don’t be afraid to really tap deep into your inner hipster self. The more witty, indie, or hip you can be the better. Making any logical sense doesn’t count here. Feel free to steal song lyrics (as long as they’re from a hip or punk band) as well as lines from movies such as Scarface. Extra points for some lame ass poetry or pointless dramatic, grandiose, hai ku spoutings about how punk your life is in the suburb.
Step 2: Get some cool pictures of yourself. At your parents house in your bedroom, don your most hip, cool, and punk rock gear you’ve been collecting on shopping outings at the mall, and grab a camera. Try to look as cool as possible by keeping an abject, disinterested look. Remember: you’re so cool that you can’t even look at the camera (while you take pictures of yourself in your bedroom or bathroom). Don’t forget to let the world know just how punk you are by flipping off the camera (even though you’re only really flipping off yourself and no one else is around). Nothing says punk rock louder! And last, gather any party pictures you have, or any pictures of you in a really exotic location so you can show the world the truth about how your life is just one non-stop hip party.
Step 3: Come up with some sort of play on words about where you live. Here’s an often times overlooked step by people less hip than yourself. Instead of actually putting the city and state of where you live, replace it with a witty derogatory reference like Hellville or Fuckville. Basically anything that trashes where you live will let people see just what a rebellious suburban hipster you are. Anarchy rules!
Step 4: Put together your music list. Gather the most obscure indie or punk bands you can (don’t be afraid to stray from your normal mainstream MTV programming to find these groups). The less people have heard of them, the better. Don’t worry about if you actually have any of their music. List as many as you can. The longer the list, the cooler you must be…it’s only obvious! Duh!
Step 5: Add your occupation and income details. Here’s another way to let your unique hipster self shine. There’s no better way to mask the fact that you are completely lazy and live with your parents than to say “F You!” to this category and wildly inflate your income. Make up some kind of cool occupation like “gypsy” or “punk rock ‘n rolla”. It doesn’t matter that you couldn’t get a job to save your life as long as you’re cool. I mean, we’re going to be young, sexy, and cool forever, right? Who needs a job or education when you’re this cool!
Step 6: Add as many friends as possible. Go around and start psychotically adding as many friends as you can. Don’t forget to only add friends as long as they uphold the same produced, homogenic, hipster, punk standards that you do. Remember, everything is about image…including your friends. You can’t be a punk hipster without cool looking friends right? Who needs real friends when we can express our-alter-punk-selves in witty comments and bulletins?
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I’m trying to view this in the 6.3.2.5 revision of the aol web browser and the content looks kinda chopped up. Might want to check that out.